I am Chayayayayanging

(Title courtesy of Dreamgirls)

It was some kind of wonderful to visit the family in Utah.  The days were lovely and filled with lots of great people.  It truly was a week of reuniting.  All the reuniting got me to thinking about how things change.  It was wonderful with many friends to pick up precisely where we left off.  I like those kinds of people.  Other friends, it was very obvious that things had changed.  Nothing between us, but things had simply changed.

  As I was surrounded by tons of folks from the past, I realized what a treasure it is to CHANGE.  I realized that the past eight years since high school have proven to be several years of severe change for me.  

•  I used to be much more high-strung. 
•  I was easily upset by the way people acted. 
•  I felt like it was my job to fix everything for everyone all the time.
• I drank pink lemonade with vanilla like it was going out of style.  Vanilla-Nade, as we called it.
• On the stage and before an audience were the greatest places to be.
• I basically got ready in the mornings to make sure that people at school would think I looked good.

8 years ago.  Apparently, another thing that has changed is the size of my waist.  Woah.

But that was then and I'm grateful for the experiences that have molded me into something different.  I'm excited for eight more years to see who I can become by then!

• Now, I'm about 100 times more relaxed than before (we have my sweet husband to thank for that.)
• I don't have the energy to get worked up about the way other people act, so the overreacting has dissipated.
• I love loving people.  Plenty of people have loved me with mounds of imperfections for years and I've realized what a blessing it is.
• I still love being on the stage, but the tables have turned.  I don't love it so that everyone else can love me.  I love it because it is fun and it makes me feel good.  Even if there was no audience, I'd probably still perform a whole show just because it makes me smile.
• NOW I get ready in the mornings because it makes me feel good about myself.  I can be much more confident with combed hair and a little color on the cheeks than my pajama clad self can walking down the aisles of Walmart.

Looking classy and pregnant as can be with my sweet, sweet cousin Erin  just last Sunday.  Due only days apart!

So anyway, change is important, growth is essential, and I feel sorry for those who haven't changed a bit in eight years.  Actually, I think it might be important to change a little bit every single day.  For example, what can I be better at today than I was yesterday (basically everything...yesterday was not my best)?  Who can I treat kinder today than I treated yesterday?  Who can I keep in my heart today to think about all day and send positivity their way?  How can I be better to my body today than I was yesterday (again...it's not going to be tough)?

So, I wonder what I can change today?
What are you going to change today?

The pregnancy post that's been a LONG time comin'

A facebook status of mine, not long ago, stated that I love being pregnant.  I do.  It's true.  Now friends: many of you took that facebook status to mean that I love being pregnant because it has been a breeze and that would be incorrect...And that's why I'm writing this post.

I remember driving in the car in California with 3 of my favorite females in all the world and the pregnant one, I call her Fifi, was sitting in the front seat.  She said "I'm weird but I just love being pregnant."  I've thought about that lots of times and I've realized where she was coming from.  

Granted, Fifi is the Greek Goddess of pregnancy.  I mean seriously.  Look at her.  BUT I think she had a point.

Photos by Jylare Smith

You see, Fifi is one of the funniest friends I own.  We used to have sleepovers in my TWIN size bed (note: we were in college) and we would laugh our faces off all night long.  So I've realized that Fifi's comment about loving pregnancy wasn't coming from a "I love pregnancy because I glow so nicely and I look so good and I feel so grand" kind of place.  It was coming from a "I love pregnancy because I glow so nicely and there is something very large protruding out of my body and it's a miracle to grow a human and the most hilarious things happen when you're pregnant."  Fifi: feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

That's why I love pregnancy too.  I do glow quite nicely.  There indeed IS something very large protruding out of my body.  It IS a complete miracle to grow a human and most of all, HILARIOUS things definitely  happen when you're pregnant.  Here are just a few of my very favorites so far.

CRAVINGS

Lets begin by sharing a story about cravings.  I think cravings are ridiculous.  I believe that we have weird cravings our entire lives it's just that when we're pregnant it's "ok" to eat hot sauce with rice krispies and pickles on your pb&j.  So anyway, cravings=my whole life...not just my pregnant life.

As a newbie in this pregnancy situation, everyone kept asking me what I was "craving"?  I didn't know.  Milk, I guess.  And then it happened.  I had a "craving".  I wanted macaroni and cheese.  I indulged and made myself a whole box.  I ate it...all by myself...the whole box.  When husband returned from work around 11:00 pm I was sprawled out on the couch sicker than a little dog.  Naturally, I had thrown up the entire box of mac and cheese only hours after eating it.  Javi walked into the kitchen and saw the EMPTY pan of yellow death on the stove.  He asked "did you make mac and cheese?"  I groaned a "yes".  He then asked "where is it?"  "In the toilet" I replied.  And then my sweet husband stepped into the doorway and said, with complete shock all over his face "you ate the WHOLE box?!"  I hid my face because we all know that mac and cheese contains approximately 800 calories.  Embarrassing.

"MORNING SICKNESS"

I was substituting 3rd grade and I managed to keep my sick self together for much of the day.  Although, around lunch time we were discussing multiplication and it happened.  I started throwing up.  No warning at all just projectile exiting my mouth.  I had managed to earn the name of a "cool substitute" and as I watched the faces of those sweet children as they screamed "Ew!" and "Gross!"  I knew that I would quickly be losing my hard-earned name.  Yep.  I did.  No longer was I the "cool sub" I was simply the barf lady.  Awesome.

Monday night I had the twins whom I nanny.  We had had a wonderful, active afternoon and were getting ready to settle in for the night.  Gage announced that he needed help going to the bathroom and asked that I come with him.  Little did I know what that would entail as we went sprinting to the bathroom.  The sweet, little, barely potty-trained 3 year old had a bad case of the runs.  He had a difficult time making it to the appropriate location and I had a big mess to clean up SO while Gage sat on the mini toilet finishing his business, I was standing over the regular toilet "reacting" to the mess I was witnessing.

When his parents got home I told them that he was a little sick and his mother announced that she's not surprised because he had eaten 12 little clementines (the mini oranges) in the morning.  TWELVE.  That is approximately 168 little sections of clementine.  Are you kidding me?  It's no wonder.

Anyway, cue the reactivated gag reflex that has been on a lovely break for almost my whole 2nd trimester.

The next day I was sitting in my Social Justice in Education class and I was drinking my water like a good pregnant woman when I choked on it.  You know, the whole "it went down the wrong tube" thing.  Choking triggered my recently reactivated gag reflex and there I was, in grad school, over the garbage can, throwing up in front on my whole class.  I was so humiliated.

LARGE BODY PARTS THAT SERVE AS SHELVES

And then there was tonight.  I sat in class taking in all of the information and witnessing the brilliance of my professor, whom I love with all my heart, and I was feeling very overwhelmed with gratitude for the beauty of pregnancy.  I felt little sister kicking away as we worked on how to effectively teach fractions to children and I just relished in the excitement of this little nugget.  It was a glorious moment and I loved it and then I looked down to see that my chest and tummy were covered in granola that had somehow missed my mouth when I ate the granola bar 15 minutes earlier.  15 minutes of pure joy and gratitude all while my classmates were staring at me wondering if I'd ever realize that I was a mess and that I had granola bits in my hair.  Good game.

LARGE BODY PARTS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH

I will not expand upon this subject because those of you who have been pregnant know what I'm talking about and those of you who haven't...I won't spoil the surprise for you :)

In other news, I had cankles the size of Manhatten yesterday.  Luckily they are back to normal today.

BUT SERIOUSLY...

It really is glorious to spend 9 months attached to this lovely little lady.  I believe that creating life is one of the greatest miracles ever.  I cannot imagine going through this without the knowledge and relationship I have with my Heavenly Father.  I have said it before and I'll say it again: to carry a child and not believe in a God has to be really difficult.  I would imagine that someone who doesn't believe in some kind of higher power would likely spend the whole 9 months convincing themselves that there is no God because every day is a miracle and every change is awe-inspiring.

SO, TRUTHFULLY, I REALLY DO LOVE BEING PREGNANT

I love that I've made 3 darling skirts in the last week (pictures to come) just so I'll finally have something to wear to church.

I love that for a long time I just looked like I was really packing on the pounds but that FINALLY I actually look pregnant.

I love that a lady in class tonight said "so you've got to be pretty close to delivery, right?"  I answered "Nope.  Not until June."  To which she replied "Oh, wow.  Are you having twins?!"  Thanks for making me feel soooo petite, lady.

I love that Gage's twin, Asher, thinks that I'm having three babies: one growing in each breast and one in my belly.  (That's a great hint into the "LARGE BODY PARTS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH" section.)

I love that the twins have named the baby "Cars 2".

I love the way girlfriend dances like crazy when her daddy plays the guitar and sings to her.

I love the way her daddy makes sure to talk to her in Spanish every day.

I love the opportunity to evaluate, for 9 months, how prepared I am to be a mother.

I love that every day I realize that all my life's experiences have led me to this point and I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

So actually, I love being pregnant.

It's hilarious.