living.

Somebody take me back to three years old where finger painting was the most pressing thing on my calendar, when there was always a bigger bed to climb into, and when I got a weekly allowance. Take me back to the days when we would jump on the bed and eat croutons for our playdates and my princess underpants would hang out the sides of my leotard in dance class. Let me be the little girl in the backseat of the mini-van eating a pink cookie and a rootbeer. Somebody take out my high ponytails late at night and then give me a head scratch just like mom used to do before bed. Let me have just one more 5 am family scripture study when dad would read with more enthusiasm than a room full of preschoolers at snack time. Make me practice the piano, cello, flute, and my voice every day. Tell me I can't play with my friends until I've developed my talents that day. Carry me in from the car when I fall asleep on the way home. Let my brothers and me have just one more "time-out" on the top stair. Somebody make us sit there and pass the time just chatting. Stop thinking it's embarrassing when I have food on my face...remember how you used to think I was cute like that? Somebody pick out my outfits and give me back that body that looked adorable in everything. Please, somebody set out a pair of polka dot leggings and a matching oversized sweatshirt for me to wear tomorrow. I promise to wear my ruffled socks and a matching bow on top of my head. Take me back to the day that we got our ears pierced AND a jamba juice. Let me go to 4-H again and sew, cook, and learn calligraphy all over. Don't mind when my seven-year-old self spends the afternoon mimicking Mariah Carey's vocal stylings and whistle tones. Take me back to my first CD purchase: Ace of Base. Lets go back to the days when the street ended at our house and there were no houses to be seen. Replant that tree that housed the neighborhood tree house. Let us neighbor kids put on one more play for you in our backyard and let us spend one more Sunday night playing night games til we're all too tired to move. Give me forced-family-togetherness again. Make us drive in the car together for hours going from lesson to lesson as we talk about life, love, and Mario Brothers.

If you'd let me do all this, I'd do alot of things different. I'd savor every bite of those pink cookies as one of those would most assuredly cause an immediate heart attack now a days. I'd eat more croutons. I'd tell my brothers that I loved them more and annoy them less. I'd work harder in dance class, princess underpants and all. Maybe I could have saved my knee if I'd done things differently in those classes. I would practice my instruments harder and never would have given any of them up. I would be a little less competitive during night games and I wouldn't mind being "it". I would never fight my mom about what to wear or how hard she was pulling my hair as she tried to comb through it. I would try to beat dad on the enthusiasm meter instead of acting like the world was coming to an end. I would cherish the nights snuggled in between mom and dad on the waterbed. I would put my allowance into savings except for the dollar I'd spend on a See's Butterscotch sucker. I would realize how good I have it and wish on a star every night to never grown up.

But if that wish came true, I wouldn't be married to Prince Charming. I wouldn't have walked in from work tonight to find a beautiful dinner on the table. I wouldn't get to giggle at how silly he is all day long and he wouldn't get to laugh at how blonde I am. I wouldn't get butterflies every time I see an incoming call from him. I wouldn't miss him so much every day that it hurts. I wouldn't get to hear him say his ultra sarcastic "OOOOOKKAAAAAYYYY." I wouldn't get the perma grin I get whenever I hear him making his momma laugh over the phone or skype. I wouldn't have anyone to take care of my car when it's having bad days. I wouldn't have anyone to lie next to at night and talk about our future, going green, and CNN's headlines.

So, whether you take me back, or you don't, it was all good and it is all good. Just living is good.