Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Family is my favorite

I cannot tell a lie
I love being a Mom.

Being a family of two was so much fun.
We came and went as we pleased.
We went to movies whenever we wanted without finding a babysitter,
hung out with friends,
stayed up late,
slept in,
and went dancing.

Being a family of three is even MORE fun!
We haven't seen many movies at the theatre but our Disney DVD collection is nearly complete.
Our amount of outside friends has decreased but us three have become inseparable.
While Javi still stays up late (Spanish genes), I am in bed most nights by 10:00.
We dance every single day except Javi is always the provider of the music (usually live), the lighting, and he also happens to be the best dance partner for his two ladies.

Yep.  Being a family of three is going to be pretty hard to beat.

Now, here we are.
One week+one day away from induction during which we will become a family of four.
Three girls and one boy.
Javi is super good at having lots of girlfriends and he's got enough kisses to go around so this transition should be a breeze.

So, come on out little girl.
We're ready for you.
As in, I've had your car-seat installed for two weeks
(anxious much?)

I'll make sure that Papi brings his ukulele to the hospital so that you will hear familiar sounds in your first minutes of life.
Celine is SO EXCITED for you to sit by her-at least that's what she keeps telling me.
And Mama can't wait to snuggle your little body,
 smell your new smell,
and imagine what your world was like mere moments before when you were with our Heavenly Father and your three great-grandmothers who I'm sure didn't want to let you go.

But anyway, don't take your time.
We're ready.
Like, right this second.

Monday, January 12, 2015

To my dear firstborn,

Writing this is all but breaking my heart
But I feel like God isn't going to let me birth your baby sister until I write this
I'm gonna write.

I've been putting this off for a while now because there is just too much to say to you
and words escape me now more than ever.

You've saved my life
more than once.

You were born in a time of difficulty for our family.
We had NO money
Papi had been made the leader of our church congregation two weeks prior and with that comes a lot of responsibility.
We lived in a scary part of town (which still, I'm sure, gives my mother nightmares)
and other parts of our lives were all but peaceful.

But then you came.
I remember looking into your face for the first time and feeling like my wait was finally over.
My best friend had finally come for a visit!
I had been waiting for you and I didn't even know it.

You made the unrest of the outside world unimportant to your Papi and me.
All that mattered from then on was the few hours we got to spend in the mornings together.
You helped me to be creative at stretching our weekly single-digit grocery budget into random and hilarious meals for your Papi.
(Thank heavens for the farmers market that nearly gives away all of the overripe produce)
He never minded because when we would drop off dinner (around 5:45) you were always waiting for him in the car
and seeing your little gummy grin made all the worries of the news world, the church congregation, and weird food melt away.

Before you were born, I worried so much about my contribution to the world but once you came, I didn't worry anymore.
It became very clear what my contribution would be:

You also sparked a whole new kind of love between your Papi and me.
Watching him with you makes me weak in the knees.
Your kind of love affair is one that even a mommy can't break up
and shame on me if I ever do.

The other time you saved my life was much more recent.
We were driving down I-15 and I was having a stroke
and all I could think about was getting you to safety.
I was so worried about crashing the car because my most prized possession was in the back seat.

As I cried, you cried too because you and I feel the same ways.
When you get hurt and cry, it always makes me tear up because I feel your pain.
In that moment, I realized that it went both directions.
You could feel my pain too and so you cried.
You said over and over 
"it'll be okay, Mommy.  It'll be okay."
I couldn't talk so I said nothing back but your reassuring words got me to the next exit and parked safely.

Had you not been in the back seat that day, I fear for what might have happened.
The remainder of my working mind was focused so hard on getting you to safety that I could think of nothing else.
What if you hadn't been there?
I may have succumbed fully to the stroke and then what would have happened?

I believe that you are to thank for our safety that day.
You and a whole slew of angels.

A love between a mother and daughter is unexplainable
and the love you can have for someone who has saved your life cannot be put into words.
You have both of those kinds of love from me and trying to explain it is impossible.

I hope that someday you'll understand both kinds of love because then you might be able to understand why I'm so enamored with you.

Thank you my little princess.
Thank you.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Celine's Rebowooshuns

That's RESOLUTIONS in case you don't speak two-year old.
With so much talk about our new goals I decided to ask Celine what her resolutions would be for the new year.

She said
"Be like Wapunzel and
read the scrispers"
(translation: Rapunzel & scriptures)

I asked why she wanted to be like Rapunzel and she said
"because she's mad.  Mad?!? Sowwy about dat. Because she's happy!"

Be happy and read the scriptures.
That's what Celine is going to do this year.
What could be more important than that?

So, we're reading the Book of Mormon together 
(she insists on saying "And it came to pass" anytime there's a lag in my reading)
and we're going to do our best to be happy like Rapunzel.

Baby-Celine-Baby Sister-Mommy
It's becoming a full house over here!

(thanks to @bofm365 on instagram - read with us!)

Monday, January 5, 2015

What I Did 2014

I hope you've made some lists and goals for 2015.
The Mister made a list that is as long as my leg and he'll probably accomplish every single one of them.
He's awesome/annoying like that :)

I made my teeny tiny list and then made another list that I think is even more important.
It's called "What I Did" and I think you should make one too.

2014 was WEIRD.
I worked super hard during the first eight months (and subsequesntly missed a lot of my daughters life)
and then had a stroke and basically became the biggest home-body in all the land.

Talk about a total change.

I went from making a large monetary contribution to my family to contributing nothing.

I went from "not having time" to read the Book of Mormon to gulping it all up in just a few months.

I went from going through the motions of life and work to having to think extremely hard about every word that I wanted to come out, every step I needed to take, and exactly how to communicate with my beautiful 2 year old.

I learned that life can either be wonderful or it can be a total drag. I learned that
 "Happiness is not trying or finding, it's deciding"
and from this knowledge, everything else has improved in my life.

I am far more in love with my husband now because of the choice to choose happiness.

I don't mind doing the laundry or dishes or cleaning up everyday because those thing don't have the actual ability to take away my happiness.

And, in the case of relearning calligraphy, I learned to be more patient and to enjoy the journey. (Calligraphy drove me crazy when I originally learned because it took SO LONG and I had to go so slow and be so careful.  Now, it's therapeutic for me - and who doesn't need a little free therapy every once in a while?!?!)

So, make your list. 

It doesn't matter what it says and it doesn't matter how life-changing the items are on the list - 

Just make it and keep it right next to your 2015 resolutions so you can reflect often upon the things that you have already accomplished and not feel the need to slit your wrists on your current list of resolutions.

If you feel so inclined to share your list, hashtag it #tmalwhatidid2014.

Can't wait to read about it!

Monday, November 10, 2014

How do you scripture?

Since the stroke I've had a hard time reading.
I mean, I still know how and everything but I'll read 5 pages in a book and return it to the library.
I get bored lots faster apparently.
There was this one time that Javi brought home "The Secret Life of Bees" and I read the whole thing in 4 hours.
Headache of my life!

I don't get it, except that I think that God is blessing me once again.

Here's the thing, I am suddenly OBSESSED with the scriptures. This is like full-on missionary obsession. I just can't get enough. 

I have been shocked and so uplifted by the war chapters in Alma as I've learned of the incredible FAITH and the exact obedience that the people showed. 

I have read 3 Nephi over and over again trying to get absolutely everything out of it. I LOVE reading the Savior's words.

And the parts about all of the signs of the coming of the Christ child that the prophets had given and suddenly they're happening and the people are completely terrified and they believe for a second and then they stop believing because they can't SEE Him.
So good.
So so good.

There is just so much to learn from the writings of people who lived thousands of years ago.
I mean, they struggled with the very same things that we struggle with.
That is so wild to me.

I just love love love these books.
I am totally a self-help book reader and I've never read a better self-help book than these scriptures. 

So, anyway, the question is
During a meal? 
With your child or spouse or dog hanging all over you?
Are you a scripture marker and writer like me?
Or maybe your copy is pristine and white.

Any way around it, I hope that you DO scripture. 
Whether you read the Quran or the Torah or the Bible or whatever
I hope that you are as obsessed with it as I am.