Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The pregnancy post that's been a LONG time comin'

A facebook status of mine, not long ago, stated that I love being pregnant.  I do.  It's true.  Now friends: many of you took that facebook status to mean that I love being pregnant because it has been a breeze and that would be incorrect...And that's why I'm writing this post.

I remember driving in the car in California with 3 of my favorite females in all the world and the pregnant one, I call her Fifi, was sitting in the front seat.  She said "I'm weird but I just love being pregnant."  I've thought about that lots of times and I've realized where she was coming from.  

Granted, Fifi is the Greek Goddess of pregnancy.  I mean seriously.  Look at her.  BUT I think she had a point.
Photos by Jylare Smith

You see, Fifi is one of the funniest friends I own.  We used to have sleepovers in my TWIN size bed (note: we were in college) and we would laugh our faces off all night long.  So I've realized that Fifi's comment about loving pregnancy wasn't coming from a "I love pregnancy because I glow so nicely and I look so good and I feel so grand" kind of place.  It was coming from a "I love pregnancy because I glow so nicely and there is something very large protruding out of my body and it's a miracle to grow a human and the most hilarious things happen when you're pregnant."  Fifi: feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

That's why I love pregnancy too.  I do glow quite nicely.  There indeed IS something very large protruding out of my body.  It IS a complete miracle to grow a human and most of all, HILARIOUS things definitely  happen when you're pregnant.  Here are just a few of my very favorites so far.

Lets begin by sharing a story about cravings.  I think cravings are ridiculous.  I believe that we have weird cravings our entire lives it's just that when we're pregnant it's "ok" to eat hot sauce with rice krispies and pickles on your pb&j.  So anyway, cravings=my whole life...not just my pregnant life.

As a newbie in this pregnancy situation, everyone kept asking me what I was "craving"?  I didn't know.  Milk, I guess.  And then it happened.  I had a "craving".  I wanted macaroni and cheese.  I indulged and made myself a whole box.  I ate it...all by myself...the whole box.  When husband returned from work around 11:00 pm I was sprawled out on the couch sicker than a little dog.  Naturally, I had thrown up the entire box of mac and cheese only hours after eating it.  Javi walked into the kitchen and saw the EMPTY pan of yellow death on the stove.  He asked "did you make mac and cheese?"  I groaned a "yes".  He then asked "where is it?"  "In the toilet" I replied.  And then my sweet husband stepped into the doorway and said, with complete shock all over his face "you ate the WHOLE box?!"  I hid my face because we all know that mac and cheese contains approximately 800 calories.  Embarrassing.

I was substituting 3rd grade and I managed to keep my sick self together for much of the day.  Although, around lunch time we were discussing multiplication and it happened.  I started throwing up.  No warning at all just projectile exiting my mouth.  I had managed to earn the name of a "cool substitute" and as I watched the faces of those sweet children as they screamed "Ew!" and "Gross!"  I knew that I would quickly be losing my hard-earned name.  Yep.  I did.  No longer was I the "cool sub" I was simply the barf lady.  Awesome.

Monday night I had the twins whom I nanny.  We had had a wonderful, active afternoon and were getting ready to settle in for the night.  Gage announced that he needed help going to the bathroom and asked that I come with him.  Little did I know what that would entail as we went sprinting to the bathroom.  The sweet, little, barely potty-trained 3 year old had a bad case of the runs.  He had a difficult time making it to the appropriate location and I had a big mess to clean up SO while Gage sat on the mini toilet finishing his business, I was standing over the regular toilet "reacting" to the mess I was witnessing.

When his parents got home I told them that he was a little sick and his mother announced that she's not surprised because he had eaten 12 little clementines (the mini oranges) in the morning.  TWELVE.  That is approximately 168 little sections of clementine.  Are you kidding me?  It's no wonder.

Anyway, cue the reactivated gag reflex that has been on a lovely break for almost my whole 2nd trimester.

The next day I was sitting in my Social Justice in Education class and I was drinking my water like a good pregnant woman when I choked on it.  You know, the whole "it went down the wrong tube" thing.  Choking triggered my recently reactivated gag reflex and there I was, in grad school, over the garbage can, throwing up in front on my whole class.  I was so humiliated.

And then there was tonight.  I sat in class taking in all of the information and witnessing the brilliance of my professor, whom I love with all my heart, and I was feeling very overwhelmed with gratitude for the beauty of pregnancy.  I felt little sister kicking away as we worked on how to effectively teach fractions to children and I just relished in the excitement of this little nugget.  It was a glorious moment and I loved it and then I looked down to see that my chest and tummy were covered in granola that had somehow missed my mouth when I ate the granola bar 15 minutes earlier.  15 minutes of pure joy and gratitude all while my classmates were staring at me wondering if I'd ever realize that I was a mess and that I had granola bits in my hair.  Good game.

I will not expand upon this subject because those of you who have been pregnant know what I'm talking about and those of you who haven't...I won't spoil the surprise for you :)

In other news, I had cankles the size of Manhatten yesterday.  Luckily they are back to normal today.

It really is glorious to spend 9 months attached to this lovely little lady.  I believe that creating life is one of the greatest miracles ever.  I cannot imagine going through this without the knowledge and relationship I have with my Heavenly Father.  I have said it before and I'll say it again: to carry a child and not believe in a God has to be really difficult.  I would imagine that someone who doesn't believe in some kind of higher power would likely spend the whole 9 months convincing themselves that there is no God because every day is a miracle and every change is awe-inspiring.

I love that I've made 3 darling skirts in the last week (pictures to come) just so I'll finally have something to wear to church.

I love that for a long time I just looked like I was really packing on the pounds but that FINALLY I actually look pregnant.

I love that a lady in class tonight said "so you've got to be pretty close to delivery, right?"  I answered "Nope.  Not until June."  To which she replied "Oh, wow.  Are you having twins?!"  Thanks for making me feel soooo petite, lady.

I love that Gage's twin, Asher, thinks that I'm having three babies: one growing in each breast and one in my belly.  (That's a great hint into the "LARGE BODY PARTS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH" section.)

I love that the twins have named the baby "Cars 2".

I love the way girlfriend dances like crazy when her daddy plays the guitar and sings to her.

I love the way her daddy makes sure to talk to her in Spanish every day.

I love the opportunity to evaluate, for 9 months, how prepared I am to be a mother.

I love that every day I realize that all my life's experiences have led me to this point and I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

So actually, I love being pregnant.
It's hilarious.


  1. I love this! And lets just say the sports bra has become my best friend. Truly. Oh the joys. So glad you are loving it. I am too!

  2. OHHHHHHHH myyyyyyy word Fifi....Laughing out loud, empathizing on every level, crying at the gag refluxes and experiences a few of my own as I read...You are my soul sister. I miss you and our twin bed hang outs. I TOTALLY craved mac and cheese with Ellie!!! It must be a girl thing!! I would buy the little microwavable ones you just add water to (even sicker) and I had like...3 a day. I bought them in the vending machine at the BYU extension center in Salt Lake and had like, one between each class...hence, 3 a day. I never threw up once though! (enter the hatred) I to hear that you STILL are loving being pregnant is SO super refreshing to hear. I always was sad when mommies ONLY complained and didn't ALSO express the pure joy and satisfaction of growing a small human in your tummy. It's miraculous. Really. YOu are going to be the worlds greatest mom. I know you will throw your girl 8 year old disco parties and teach all her friends the Dancing Queen and you will be a rock star at it. I know you will tell her jokes and make her giggle and hold her hand in her little twin bed at night. I know you will let her cry on your shoulder whenever she needs it. I know you will forgive her, even when she has done the most unimaginable things to you and love her anyway, even when the rest of the world might still hate her ;-) I know you will spoil her and take her shopping to only the best of places and teach her that high heels really are a staple. I know you will go on a road trips with her girlfriends and listen to them talk about boys and life and boys again. I know that you will help give all the love and advice a mother gives when she too is pregnant and you will look back on this very moment and recall with fondness how you yourself loved being pregnant...

    This is the longest comment ever. I probably should have just written an email...OR called now that I'm kinda teary? I love you fifi. All the way to the moon and back!

  3. 1. People don't know how to be polite to pregnant women. Must be having twins? Please be darn sure I am before you suggest it. My pregnancy hormones just might want to kick you in the shin.
    You must carry your little girl like I'm carrying mine. And I'm still feeling like I don't look quite as much pregnant as much as I do just plain round. Lucky.
    2. I totally agree with you on the whole cravings thing (along with everything else). Pregnant or not, everyone has some little urge to eat one food over another. I just get away with a bunch of root beer floats because I'm pregnant :)
    3. I spill EVERYTHING on myself now. Mostly because my shelf-like body parts have recently decided to catch everything. Definitely a win.
    4. I'm so grateful my "morning sickness" was just slight nausea. I love reading your stories though.
    5. Never feel ashamed for eating an entire box of mac and cheese. We've all done worse. Guaranteed.

  4. You guys are going to be AMAZING parents. You're so adorable, I miss you!! Your child is so lucky to have a mom like you and a dad like Javi. Always love, and best wishes <3

  5. Oh I loves reading this.... We should talk more ya know, I'm here anytime and would love you as a close friend! Pregnancy really is hilarious- I cried over is a hilarious story! I got asked if I was having twins like 5 disheartening, but you look radiant and gorgeous every time I see you!!!!

  6. Love this. Sorry about all the barf. I hate throwing up (who doesn't though, right?). Mac and cheese - the whole box- was also my main craving, with both pregnancies so far. My aunt actually gave me an entire case of it for a graduation present with Harper. We had stacks of that stuff in our pantry forever because of course I wasn't craving it much anymore when I got it. Funny memories. Best of luck these last few months!!

  7. Ok, I love you annaleece. I will remember this joyous post when I am pregnant.

  8. I seriously laughed so hard as I read this! I'm glad you can look back and find things so funny now, although I'm sure in the barfing moments it was pretty awful... :) I'm the worst when it comes to getting food/drinks on my belly. I'll look down long after I'd eaten anything and find marks all over! Gotta love it.

  9. You have some great stories!! When I was pregnant I craved Mac and Cheese ALL the time, and it had to be kraft from the box. Jamie even made me some gourmet Mac and Cheese one time, and it did not fulfill it's purpose!

    I completely agree you have to believe in a god, especially when your pregnant! I remember reading one day late into my pregnancy that, in those late stages, you start loosing oxygen, because of all the extra stress the body is taking on, and that the body recognizes when this is happening (like when you try to go up stairs and become winded by the third step) and sends a signal to the body to send more oxygen towards the baby so they don't loose out! How amazing is that!! That to me just proves that there has to be someone that comes up with this stuff, that there is a plan! Love it!! Can't wait to see pictures of the little one