Why I'll probably never own an iPhone

Cell phones are a difficult subject around here.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I feel real bad for every cell phone that ends up under my ownership.  I always feel like I should warn it.

I love cell phones.  I'm still pretty sure that no greater thing has ever been invented (no, not even the mini food processor).  I'm really not sure I can remember what life was like before being accompanied 24 hours a day by a cell phone.  

I LOVE THEM.

You'd never know it.  

Example #1:

This cute little pink phone and I were enjoying a quiet day floating on the pond, reading O magazine, and drinking Dr. Pepper.  I had my phone secured in a very safe place (down the swimsuit...naturally) and as I was stepping from the tube to dry land, the dogs were REALLY excited to see me and Donk proceeded to jump up on me.  

You guessed it.  Me, O magazine, D.P. and the beloved phone ended up back in the water.

For the longest time my phone wouldn't get calls...only voicemails so I changed my voicemail to say this:

"Hi!  This is Annalece and I fell in a pond with my phone so I don't get phone calls, only voicemails.  If you want me to call you back or even know that you called, you'd better leave a message.  Bye!"

You can probably imagine how EVERY voicemail message started with laughter.  It was quite a day-brightener.

Example #2

Another cute barbie phone.  I love me a cute barbie phone.  Barbie and I share the same birthday, you know.  I digress.  Anyway, my girlfriend Lyric and I were headed to a movie and stopped at JCW's before hand for a BLT sent straight from Heaven...and a Dr. Pepper.  (Do you sense a reoccurring theme here?)  Silly me...trying to sneak my DP into the movie only to discover later that the WHOLE MEDIUM SIZED DP had all emptied into my purse...covering the wallet, camera, and of course my phone.  Sticky, Sticky mess.  It worked for a while (with buttons that stuck together and a little liquid behind the screen) until it broke in half one day.  That was awkward.

Example #3

This part of the blog post is taken from an entry from my old blog "Is This Thing On?" which no longer exists.  It had to go away so that The Mister and Lady could be born.  So, here it is...and I quote.

"Let me preface this by saying two things:

1.  It's embarrassing when you write on your FB that your phone is broken and the comments are things like "atleast it's not Dr. Pepper this time" or people say to you "Atleast you didn't fall in another pond" or "I feel so bad for your cell phones."
2. I could have a whole blog dedicated to the adventures of the cell phones of Annalece Boothe.  Dear cell phones of the future: good luck.

Now for the story:

It was  just after Thanksgiving dinner and we were all feeling like tubs of lard.  Someone had the brilliant plan to go on a walk to "loosen up" the nastiness that had accumulated in our stomachs...and was not moving any too quickly.

A meeting place was decided and off we went...to the cemetery.  Doesn't everyone meet at their grandmother's grave before Thanksgiving walks?  Well, we do.

15-year-old darling cousin was driving the white jeep.  He followed us ever so closely and played us some tunes to get down to.  Current song: "I Got a Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas.  PERFECT T-day "loosening muzak".

I was holding onto the jeep and dancing like a crazy person...really getting down with my bad self when I hear everyone gasp.  As is expected, I kept dancing.

Brother runs over and picks up my cell phone from underneath the recently removed back tire...some have looks of horror...others of us start laughing.  We laughed and laughed and laughed.  Mother shot a few "that's-not-funny" glares but eventually laughed as well.

So, that Thanksgiving day I became very grateful that it was only a cell phone and not anything worse.  I became grateful that there were people trying to contact me and that were concerned as to why I wasn't responding.  That equals love.  I became grateful for the ability to stay in touch with loved ones all over the world, if needed.  Finally, I became grateful for phone insurance.  I have it.  You should have it.  Everyone should have it.  Dance parties are necessary sometimes, and sometimes they're gonna cost ya."

Not my finest moment.  Let me tell you that explaining to the guy at the Sprint store what had happened was semi-humiliating.

Example #4

Mind you, I am sparing you from all of the silly little accidents because this is getting long and you're probably not even still reading but just incase you are, here we go again.

Not long after moving to New Mexico, mom came down for a visit.  I can't even remember where we were going (probably Schlotzsky's) but mom, Javi, and I loaded into the car with the Huckleberry gummy bears that Mark and Erin had sent to me to help my cravings in tow.  We were driving down a large 4 lane highway when we heard something loud...like someone had thrown a ball at our car and hit us.  My exclaimed "what was that?!"  after a minute, it hit me.  "That was my cell phone."  Javi pulled over quickly and jumped out of the car into lunch time traffic trying to locate the pieces of my dear phone.  5 pieces of phone (including the front and back of the case I had on it) had all landed in the smack middle of the lane.  It was so centrally located that cars drove right over the pieces without hitting them.  Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles.  Javi returned with 4 of the 5 pieces and we realized that we were missing one piece of the case.  He ran back out into traffic and located it.  My hero.  

I'm sure he was ready to pull my hair out when I asked him if he had seen the gummy bears that I had also left on top of the car.  Bummer.  No gummy bears and I felt like I really might win the "worst wife in the world" award by asking him to go back out and look for them.

Believe it or not, I am still using that cell phone to this day!  It is a TROOPER!   

So, there you have it.  A few peeks into the sad, dangerous, and adventurous lives of my cell phones.  Honestly, this post was prompted by an experience I had last night with my super-purple cell phone. 

I lost it.

For a long time.

I had dumped out the purses, torn my car apart, retraced my steps, I had done everything and gone everywhere I could possibly think of.  It was almost 10:00 at night and I wasn't in the BEST part of town so I figured it was a lost cause and gave up.

Several minutes later it happened. I remembered.

It was down my shirt.

Awkward.