Monday, October 20, 2014

Marriage according to the Misiego Women

With what I call 'my new life' I am trying to make things better than they were before the stroke.
Mothering, marriage, housekeeping, spiritual study, my relationship with God, everything.

With our anniversary last week, I have been thinking especially how I can make my marriage better.
The list is LONG and I have a lot to improve on so I asked for some advice from some of my favorite women.

I cannot imagine marrying into a better family
I fell in love with Javi's family just as quickly as I I fell in love with him.

When we met, four of the six siblings lived in Utah and his parents were visiting from Spain because his baby sister was having her first baby.
I was quickly thrown into the mix and within a few weeks, Javi's five year old nephew asked me when I was going to become his aunt.
We spent the majority of our date nights with one of his siblings (and spouses) and I began to understand how "cross-cultural" marriage works.
By the next summer, five of the six siblings were living in Utah and the sixth came out from Germany to be part of our wedding.  

I remember, on our wedding day, looking at the (then) four women who had become my sisters and I couldn't imagine anything better.
First of all, they laughed continually.
Second, they all had extremely strong marriages and with all the horror stories I had heard of how difficult marrying someone from a different culture is, I was so grateful to see it working so well.
(don't believe everything you hear...cross-cultural marriage is just like every other kind of marriage)

These are the people that I have looked to for marriage advice.
I've never asked them, I've just watched them and I've learned all kinds of things.
So, recently, I asked them for their best marriage advice and it was really quite telling.
I was shocked to discover that I could have guessed what each of them said because it is what I have noticed most about their relationships.  

So, here goes.
BTW these TOTALLY apply to dating, engagements, breakups, etc.
These pretty much apply to any time that you need to interact with a human being...or animal

is the second oldest.  She married a Brit and is expecting her fourth child *A BOY* soon!

When Ben and I were in the Celestial Room of the Temple the sealer told us to look at the mirror in front of us, there was another mirror behind us. 
He then said 'look at your own reflection in the mirror' and when I did I could only see myself
Then he said 'now look at your spouses reflection', and that was when I could see ourselves over and over and over again.
 He explained when we look out only for ourselves and our own desires, wants, and needs there is no progression
BUT when you put your spouses desires, wants, and needs before yours that is when we can progress as a couple. 
It is all about compromise.
 Is it easy? 
Of course not! 

is married to the oldest boy. I have spent the most time with her and I consider myself so blessed.

 Be respectful, especially when you talk to one another.  Don't demean the other person or make them feel bad or dumb.  Your tone of voice can make a big difference in how well conversations go.

 Think before you speak/act.  Think about how it will affect the other person, and if it's something that you know will bug them or make them feel bad, don't say/do it.

Have a sense of humor!  Laugh a lot, even when it's hard.  

 Be patient and accept differences.  Differences are good - they balance things out.

 It's okay to go to bed angry.  Sometimes a good night's sleep can make all the difference.
(Can I get an AMEN on that last one???)

is the youngest girl.  She married her prince charming from Colorado and I would have guessed that her advice would be something physical.  They are always kissing or cuddling or grabbing each other's tooshies and it is adorable.

Play footsie with your spouse every day! 
Let me explain...
 I am a stomach sleeper so cuddling at the end of the day is tricky ;) 
so every night I make sure that I play "footsie" with Landin so he can feel my touch and that simple gesture connects us! 
Even the nights that we argue or disagree on something and you just need your space, it's something I still do to show that I love him above all and always want him close.

is the newest addition to the family marrying the youngest boy.  They've only been married for about a year and a half but every time her Jose walks into the room, everyone else disappears. Her advice is so perfect!

I once watched a lecture where the key speaker spoke about honor in a marriage
and from then on for me it's been all about honor.
 I'm not just talking about respect, but real honor
The kind of honor you show if you were meeting the Queen of England or your favorite super hero.
 I feel like when you greet your spouse at the end of a long day it should be like,
 "Oh my gosh I can't believe I'm in the same room as you! You are the most amazing individual, and I'm so excited and humbled to be in your presence." 
   When I've practiced that in my marriage I've noticed I'm more inclined to forgive and love my spouse. 


Aren't they magical?
Oh, how I wish you all could meet them
(the best time to meet them is late at night during a made-up song competition...true colors)

I will reference this post again and again because these girls have really got it figured out
and you know what they say...
the man is the head but the woman is the neck!!!

What marriage advice is your favorite?


  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, Annaliese! It's great to hear from you! I hope life is treating you well.

  2. I just read this! I love it so much! We did luck out with good sisters-in-law, did we not?!

  3. I love all the Misiegos too, and loved reading all the advice. They're (YOU're) all awesome! It would be fun to hear what the guys' marital advice would be! =)

    1. What a fantastic idea, Linda! Keep your eyes peeled for that post :)