When You're Married to a News Anchor

When you're married to a news anchor there are lots of things to learn.

 When you're married to a news anchor you just may find  yourself nervous watching the news.

When you're married to a news anchor you might borrow his blush when yours runs out.

When you're married to a news anchor you may begin feeling like you are drowning in ties.

When you're married to a news anchor you you will always have a pile of ironing to be finished.

When you're married to a news anchor, and he does the late news, he might have a really hard time falling asleep before 2 or 3 in the morning.

If you're married to a news anchor there is always some kind of news, in some kind of language, on some (or several) kind of device playing throughout the house.  (Which probably accounts for Anderson Cooper showing up in my dreams most nights.)

When you're married to a news anchor you dress your husband every single day and when you watch the news you learn what adventurous outfits were not a very good idea.

When you're married to a news anchor strangers feel like they know him, so they hug him very often.

When you're married to a news anchor you go to Bare Escentuals to have your skin matched to your makeup...both of you.

When you're married to a news anchor there are always many makeup brushes to be washed, hair to be kept, and make up remover to buy.

But when you're married to a news anchor you get to watch your cute man on television every single day.

And when you're married to a news anchor you get to be so proud of him as he impacts the world around him.

And when you're married to a news anchor you feel like a celebrity around town because people give you free things (granted, only if the news anchor is present).

And when you're married to a news anchor you get to live vicariously through him because you just might have studied Broadcast Journalism before they told you your voice was too high pitched and your hair was too big to be a news anchor but you still, secretly really love it.

And when you're married to a news anchor you're never quite sure if your husband has been in the line of fire during the day, and he usually doesn't tell you so you don't freak out.

So, I must say, being married to a news anchor is pretty great.  

I wouldn't want be married to anything else.

Lesson 1 for the girl baby: Things every teenage female should know

I'm having a girl baby.  She is currently kicking me in the ribs.  This joyous moment has inspired me to write her the first of many messages all about things she should know as a female.  It's a crazy time and place for the female breed.  So, here it is:

LESSON 1

Things Every Teenage Female Should Know

If another girl is mean to you, take it as a compliment.  It just means that she's jealous of you.  You must be really pretty, talented, smart, or something else fabulous.

You don't actually have to go to that party for people to like you.  There's always so much talk about how awesome parties are.  Are they really?  I mean seriously, no one makes delicious gourmet food for a high school party.  No one will be doing a best and worst dressed in the upcoming People magazine from your high school party.  And finally, drinking alcohol makes EVERY HUMAN act and look embarrassing...no exceptions...ever.  So, why exactly would you go to a high school party?  I'd much rather be at home, eating ramen noodles, and happy-crying over a chick-flick with my BFF.

Wearing tight clothes, low-cut shirts, and short skirts/shorts make you look easy.  Looking easy never got anyone anywhere good.  End of conversation.

You are actually prettier with less makeup.  Moving in to the "make up phase" of life is so exciting and it's easy to cake it on.  I remember one morning in my high school career where I walked into my mother's classroom for 1st period at which time she lovingly looked at me with the "what happened?" eyes.  She then excused me from school so I could go home, wash my face, and try again.  I've never caked it on since.  What a wise woman.

99.9% of the time, your high school sweetheart WILL NOT BECOME YOUR HUSBAND (thank heavens).  Therefore, there is no reason to cry yourself to sleep over a break-up, have dramatic arguments, or ditch your girlfriends.  Truth be told...waste of time.

Acting stupid only makes you attractive to the stupid guys.  Acting smart makes you attractive to the smart guys.  Smart guys will probably be richer.  Your choice.

Your parents do what they do because they love you.  I can guarantee that before telling you "no" they didn't think to themselves "how can I make my daughter super miserable today?"  or "I want my daughter to be the outcast of the school."  Not likely.

A guy who expects that you'll do more than kiss him goodnight is a loser.  There are no other explanations for it.  

Just because something costs a lot or has the most talked about brand plastered across it does not mean that it is classy nor does it mean that it will look good on you.  Chances are it was made for the super-skinny, no curve girl OR the one who has had a long list of plastic surgeries.  After all that work, she'd BETTER look amazing in absolutely everything she puts on...otherwise, how embarrassing for her.

"That time of the month" is not a free ticket to act like a jerk.  Every woman goes through the same thing every month and if we all acted how we feel like acting, we would probably have ZERO friends, ZERO job, and we would have killed off or seriously harmed anyone who remotely resembles a male.  Pull yourself together and be nice.

Bottom line:

image via prettystuff

Girl Baby: 

We will review these over and over again as you get older.  I promise that these things are for real (tried and tested by yours truly) and they will help you to have a much happier teenage existence.  

Love, Mommy


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