If you didn't want to get sick...
If you didn't want to throw up lots...
If you didn't want to gain weight...
If you didn't want to stop fitting in your clothes...
If you didn't want to lose all your energy...
If you didn't want to crave strange things...
If you didn't want your body to hurt all over...
If you didn't want to feel super emotional...
If you didn't want to stop sleeping...
And finally, if you didn't actually want to produce a human that will mess up your house,
spit up their food,
and keep you awake at night...
A SOLUTION HAS BEEN DISCOVERED!!!!
It's apparently been under testing for a long, long time but the doctors and scientists feel confident enough to allow me to post the results on my blog.
They call it:
I guess it's up for FDA approval...I'll let you know what happens with that.
Here's the thing:
I am NOT saying I'm perfect at keeping complaints to myself but I have come to realize that the opportunity to be a mother is the biggest miracle I will ever have a chance to be part of.
Loaning my body to someone else so that they can grow and develop for 9 months is such a blessing.
Feeling another human moving around inside my belly is the most thrilling thing I've ever done.
And this girl is really bummed out that it's almost over.
This just in:
IT'S NOT COMFORTABLE.
(Don't say I didn't warn ya)
I'm pretty sure that's a part of the deal.
But, did you know that every single person walking on this earth was BORN out of a woman?
That means that 97 GAZILLION women have experienced all the things listed at the top of this post
and somehow, they survived it...without posting about it on the WWW.
To all my girls who can't have children of their own:
Please allow me to apologize for the insensitivity of pregnant women everywhere.
I know you would give your right arm to experience morning sickness.
I know you would sell your belongings just to have stretch marks.
YOU are amazing women.
You are amazing especially because you can read statuses and blog posts all about how "horrible everything is for pregnant women" and your hearts can hurt and long for those feelings.
Thanks for your patience.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go find a Little Caesar's that's still open.
Nope...not a craving...I've been wanting Little Caesar's at 10:00 at night pretty much every night since I was 6.
(This piece of White Trash trivia about the Lady brought to you by...
Looks like we're still looking for a sponsor for that one)